Agreeing child arrangements for the Christmas and New Year period

It makes good sense for separated or separating couples to discuss and agree on the arrangements for the Christmas holidays as soon as possible. This ensures everyone, particularly the children, know where they are going to be and when.

Far too many separated couples leave the arrangements too late, resulting in heated discussions, often very close to Christmas, which can cause much stress and can lead to significant legal costs being incurred. It can be difficult for parents to begin the conversation about the holiday period, but it will be even more challenging the nearer it gets to Christmas itself.

In this article, family lawyer Emma Harte provides her top tips for separated/separating couples when planning child arrangements over the holidays.

Top 10 tips for couples to consider

1. Try to agree term-time and holiday arrangements for the children in August for the school year ahead. Everyone can benefit from early planning in terms of having dates agreed and in the diary so, for example, cheaper flights can be booked for holidays.
2. If the term-time and holiday arrangements for the full school year ahead cannot be agreed, then at the very least try to have the next four months (i.e. a school term and the holiday following) agreed in advance. The aim should always be to have clarity of future dates on a rolling basis.
3. Ensure that dates agreed are kept on the fridge at the homes of both parents so that the children can see at a glance, in both homes, where they are staying and when.
4. If there are difficulties with agreeing dates, sit down with a mediator specialising in family law so that dates can be looked at and sorted out together, with diaries and calendars, and any issues discussed and explored. The mediator will provide helpful input and suggestions as to possible options going forward. These dates and issues can be fixed normally in one or two sessions and the mediator’s costs will be minimal. The mediator’s costs are normally split equally between each parent (or can be paid from a joint account if the couple is in the process of separating) and so this process can be reasonably cost-effective.
5. In so far as you can, plan how you will deal with unforeseen issues over the holidays such as traffic or flight delays and how these will be communicated to the other parent. This can be achieved easily with either prior communication about it between the parents or in discussion with a mediator.
6. If it seems that mediation is not an option on the face of it because, for example, it is thought that one parent is too controlling, then consider having a mediator, but with each parent being in a separate room/on a separate screen (if the mediation is being held remotely). The mediator can shuttle between rooms/screens to achieve a resolution. Mediators are trained to be impartial and to give legal information and so, very often a resolution can be achieved in this way with the mediator giving helpful steers to enable a satisfactory and fair outcome for everyone. If, however, each parent feels better with having their solicitor present to support them, the solicitors can attend the mediation too, either for part of the time (to save costs) or for all of the time.
7. Alternatively, the parents can set up a meeting with both of their respective solicitors to try and resolve matters in a round-table meeting.
8. If mediation/a meeting between solicitors fails or is not an option and a court application is needed, consider arbitration as it will be much quicker to obtain a decision through the arbitration process rather than waiting for the court to resolve the matter. Urgent applications to court for Christmas arrangements made in November or December will very often not be dealt with in time.
9. Children are negatively impacted by parents’ hostility and bad atmospheres, and it is the joint responsibility of both parents to prevent this.
10. Remember that the children are the priority and they will benefit hugely from knowing that their parents have sorted out arrangements amicably and quickly. The courts will also be relieved as they will expect parents to resolve the arrangements themselves, except in the most difficult of cases. Parents will be expected to have tried firstly to resolve disagreements through an out-of-court process such as mediation or through solicitors or arbitration.

If you have any questions or concerns about family proceedings or mediation, please contact Emma Harte.