All I want for Christmas is a divorce!

In this KeyNote, family lawyers Zoe Bloom and Claudie Paddick take an alternative approach to articulating the frustrations often felt by many married couples in the aftermath of the holiday season.

Christmas … ‘tis the season to be jolly …

Jolly cross Jolly upset Jolly had enough …

The twinkling lights, festive decs, gifts around the tree

Don’t always lead to a contented family

…Festive drinks, gifts and laughter

Surely should lead to happy ever after?

The kids’ Christmas panto attended alone

My once-warm heart is turning to stone

A loving glance once held so dear

Now across the room I see a sneer.

The office party, you came home so late

Tousled, almost ravaged, what can be our fate?

I’m tired and lonely, crazy with doubt

I’m thinking of how I can find my way out.

A turkey from Lidl instead of Waitrose

Eau de toilette (not perfume) that gets up the nose

A hastily bought ticket with so little thought

Is it any wonder the atmosphere’s so fraught?

The New Year arrives but only brings gloom

As you look at the stranger on the opposite side of the room

My resolution is decided, the appointment shall be made

As those close, loving memories wither and fade.

I’m standing on the steps, about to ring the bell

I’m feeling optimistic … I’m sure we’ll get on well

Divorce? It’s very frightening … I guess we’ll have to see

At least I’m making a bit of a start … the first one … it’s for free!