Do you have to go to court to sort out parenting arrangements?

One of the first questions you may ask is whether you have to go to court to agree on where your child will live or how often they will see each parent. The short answer is – usually not. The family courts in England and Wales are a last resort, designed for situations where communication has broken down completely or where there are genuine concerns about safety.

Most parents can reach an agreement about parenting arrangements without going to court, and the law now encourages – and in most cases, requires – families to try non-court routes first. Doing so not only saves time and cost, but often leads to more child-focused and workable solutions.

Resolving arrangements without court

There are three main ways to agree on parenting arrangements:

1. Direct agreement between parents
   Many parents are able to communicate directly and agree arrangements between themselves – for example, alternating weekends or weeks, shared holidays, or flexible contact around work schedules. Putting this agreement in writing, such as through a shared calendar or parenting app, helps avoid misunderstandings later.
2. Negotiation through family solicitors
   If communication is difficult, solicitors can help you negotiate calmly and constructively. Letters or emails between lawyers allow each parent to express their proposals clearly and reach a balanced agreement. This process often leads to a written “parenting plan” or consent order, which can later be formalised by the court if both parties wish.
3. Mediation
   Mediation is a voluntary and confidential process led by a trained, neutral mediator. It provides a safe, structured environment to discuss your child’s needs and explore practical solutions. Mediators do not take sides or make decisions; their role is to guide you toward an agreement that both parents feel comfortable with. Mediation is particularly effective where parents disagree on details such as holiday arrangements, communication methods, or new partners. Agreements reached in mediation can be turned into a binding consent order with the help of a solicitor.

If you are looking for a family solicitor or mediator, start with the Resolution website – a community of family law professionals committed to a constructive, non-confrontational approach. Members follow a Code of Practice that prioritises the wellbeing of children. You can find an accredited solicitor or mediator near you here.

When you might need to go to court

If you cannot reach an agreement, or if there are issues of safety, neglect, or serious communication breakdown, you may need to apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) under the Children Act 1989.

Before making a court application, you will usually be required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). This is a short, confidential meeting with a trained family mediator, usually lasting around 45 minutes to an hour. The purpose of a MIAM is to explore whether your dispute could be resolved through mediation, rather than court proceedings. At the MIAM, the mediator will usually:

• Explain what mediation involves and how it works;
• Talk through your situation and any concerns you may have;
• Assess whether mediation is appropriate, safe, and workable in your case;
• Discuss the next steps – including how to invite the other parent to attend, and what happens if mediation goes ahead or is declined.

Attending a MIAM is a legal requirement before making most family court applications, unless you are exempt. Exemptions apply in limited circumstances, such as where there is urgency, a risk of harm, or domestic abuse.

What the court can decide

If you proceed with an application (using Form C100), the court can make a Child Arrangements Order setting out:

• Who the child will live with (one parent or both);
• How, where, and when they will spend time with the other parent; and
• Any specific conditions, such as handover arrangements, holidays, medical issues, or rules about communication and travel.

Orders can include direct contact (in person), supervised or supported contact (at a contact centre), or indirect contact (such as calls or video contact) where appropriate.

Going to court should always be the last step, not the first. For most families, solutions reached through discussion, mediation, or solicitor negotiation are not only faster and less costly, they also tend to work better long term. By focusing on your child’s needs and keeping communication respectful, it is possible to build a parenting arrangement that supports stability, co-operation, and happier family life after separation.

If you have questions or concerns about family arrangements, please contact Yasmin Khan-Gunns and Grainne Fahy.